Epic Facepalm

For lunch yesterday, my buddy and I decided to dine at a local pub a short walk from the firm.  While we were unwinding, we discussed how epically retarded our organization manages its technology infrastructure.  We couldn’t help but notice this guy several tables down from us doing the same thing with his friends.  He was wearing an Epic FACEPALM. It was priceless.  I yelled down the room and asked, “Are you guys employees of “FIRM” too?”  They said yes.

It was epic.

This is the second time this month that a badly managed server infrastructure has gone down.  How they investigate and resolve the same issue over and over again is absurd.

It would be nice if humans could sometimes learn from past mistakes.  Hmm on second thought, maybe they wouldn’t be humans if they didn’t rinse and repeat.

Random Endorsements

Today I was endorsed for “Disaster Recovery.”  What does that mean exactly?  I know I cause disasters, but recover from them?  Hmmm…

What’s with random people making random endorsements on linkedin?  I’ll never get that.  And why would anyone care?

Gender Non-Specific

While on the subway yesterday, I saw an advert for a place that treats depression.  After several questions of: Are you sad?  Are you feeling like your life is meaningless?  etc….  The 3rd paragraph where they tell you why you should call them, they said: “if you’re male, or female, between 19-60, call us!”
Gee male or female.  Dang that narrows it down.  What about the other option???

And 19-60 eh?  Interesting.  Nice range.

So not that we’re trying to use any stigmas to rate and qualify you, but please give us some insight into what category you fit in so that we can categorize you accordingly.

UAVs coming to Ontario?

Talk about the next step of bringing Big Brother above a property near you:

Police drones raise fears over personal privacy

“Strict Criteria” is great until something not on the radar appears on the radar.  Call it the camera’s peripheral vision.  All it takes is one instance and privacy has been violated.

This is scary to me.

And then there’s Bill C-30 and south of the border, another reason why I don’t want to live in the US.  However, at the rate our governments are moving to control the citizenry, it won’t matter where we live because it will be the same everywhere.

Seems like we’re heading into a dystopian future with a twist.  Call it Idiocracy meets Minority Report + Mad Max.  Scary shit.  Is this the cost of having fresh water, good food and clean air?  I hope not!

My Favourite Lawyer Joke

An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large corporation. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with “How much is two plus two?” The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, “Four.” The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the United States Bureau of Standards and many calculations, he also announced “Four.” The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the shades in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked “How much do you want it to be?

Active Directory: Explained

I’ve spent many many many hours trying to explain Active Directory to non-techie audiences.  I’ve done this over the course of several years a few minutes here and there and finally, after some serious concentration (.000006 seconds), I figured out a wonderful analogy that I think actually works.  Here it is:

For techies: 
Active Directory is Microsoft’s hierarchical Directory Service architecture designed to centralize and standardize the automation of user data, security, and distributed resources network management.

For non-techies but not noobs either:
Active Directory is a server program designed to centralize and standardize the automation of user data, security, and application access across a computer network.

For absolute noobs:
AD is like a turntable at a sushi bar.  The sushi tray is your computer and the different types of sushi on your tray are your various applications. Your single ID and password grants you access to your sushi tray no matter where you sit in the bar.  Furthermore, you only have access to the sushi on your tray and cannot add more or steal from other trays.

I’d love to get some feedback on this, because this is what I’ve been using now to explain to people.  My techie friends think this is brilliant.  I just need to find some noob friends that eat sushi who can relate.  And by the way, it’s okay to be an AD noob.  Everyone has their thing!

Curtains Down

I have this vision of a future me pointing my index finger at me in an “I told you so” kind of way, with the kind of intensity that requires hiding my head in the sand for being ashamed of myself.  But it isn’t shame because there is none.  It’s something else…

I’ve been listening to a 3 minute video narrated by Alan Watts called “What if money didn’t matter?”  It’s an old one about finding purpose to life.  He asks, “What do you desire?  What makes you itch?”  And goes on about following your dreams no matter what, and not worrying about money.  In Alan’s video, or I should say in the video sound clipped to Alan’s lecture from however long ago, the camera pans up at a guy at a desk working on papers and it continues to pan above his head for 5 more seconds showing an endless stack of paper.  I feel like I’m THAT GUY and I HATE it!!

Here’s the video.

I must have watched it 100 times by now.

Every day I’ve woken up asking myself why I’m doing this and how much longer I want to waste my life away. This being, working at my firm, in a role I still don’t understand and not at all committed the way my colleagues are.

Last night was our department’s “Town Hall” which is basically when the executives talk to the hamsters once per quarter.  It’s a chance for the hamsters to feel appreciated and think they matter to the bottom line.  I find them synonymous with funerals because they allow me time to really reflect about life and purpose.

So while sitting at our town hall yesterday, watching people get special awards for going above and beyond, I realized that if I want to qualify for those “awards,” I’d have to annihilate my true self and willingly give myself to this program.  And I’ve no desire to become Jason Bourne.  Great character, but it’s not me.

My colleagues actually enjoy working late, working weekends, working more than they get paid and writing off their existence for their work, as a cog on a wheel in a firm.

And me – well, I’d like to start a company, do some consulting and work for me.  Find my own way, and love what I do.

I’ve manifested the apartment I want to live in, and want to stay there for a while.  I’ve manifested the life I want. Now I want to manifest a daily activity that allows me to carry this life and save on top.  Oh and I got my raise.  Not very much, but better than a boomerang to the jugular.  Currently, 2 weeks of salary = 1 month of rent.  I’d like to decrease the first number and increase the second number.

Let’s see what tomorrow brings…